I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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