okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize