I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't deserve a penis
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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