roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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