I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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