I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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