im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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