"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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