Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize