I heard we made out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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