Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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When are your genitals available?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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