youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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