i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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