i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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