Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize