Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize