Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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