Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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