I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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