Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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