Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize