3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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