Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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