omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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