Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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