haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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