My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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