Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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