Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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