You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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