Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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