Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize