I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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