I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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