I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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