So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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