I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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