Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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