ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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