No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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