I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize