So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
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just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize