Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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