I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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