if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize