YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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