I want to walk on stilts...naked
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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