I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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