I heard we made out
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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