and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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